loss?

Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly'. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish, in order that I may win (gain) Christ. Philippians 3:8

Like Paul, can I genuinely profess this? Or instead, do I wonder inwardly, "How much more will You ask me to 'lose,' or merely to 'give up,' to gain more of You?" And is it really a "loss" or just sacrificing of privileges and comforts? Is gaining more of You - more understanding, knowledge, vision, sight, hearing, perceiving, simply knowing You - is this a "loss"?!

Because knowing You means "priceless privilege"...overwhelming preciousness, surpassing worth, supreme advantage. Do I truly have a mind to unpack these truths? It all comes down to knowing You, which actually means "gaining" something...more deeply and intimately acquainted with Jesus, my Savior, the God of the Universe, my Father. This is what we all long for at the core of our being: intimacy and unconditional love. Gaining Christ is gaining my life.

Sure, I do wonder...but isn't this the privilege God offers?

So, how much am I willing to lose, that I may know, and so be able to see?

sacrifice

So today is the most important holiday for Muslims, the sacrifice holiday. On this day, Muslims are to purchase and sacrifice a lamb, sharing the portions with family, friends and the poor. It is symbolic of the lamb that God provided for Abraham in place of Ishmael. In thinking about this last night, it did not all make sense to me, nor did it prepare me for what I witnessed today.

As soon as we ventured out the door of our apartment, there were blood trails all over the floor and into the elevator. And the smell that began to run through my senses was nauseating. As we turned up the street, nothing could have prepared my heart for what I saw. There were slaughtered lambs in the street, and the blood that mixed with the quiet rain drizzle moved through them like a small river of red. Then I saw a lone, living lamb within feet of the lifeless corpses, and everything within me just wanted to set it free.

And there was that smell...it was everywhere in the air...the smell of death, everywhere...the streets, the apartment, everywhere...

All I could manage to say was "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Thank you Jesus that you were and are my sacrificial lamb."

Yet in this all, as disturbing and sad as it was, is, it has given me a completely new perspective and reality of the Gospel. Christ is my sacrifice. He has already given me His heart...like a transplant, His life now beats in mine. I do not have to do this, to "do good" and find a way to pay for my sin. Jesus alone is my Savior Who has already atoned for my sin.

So as much as I would rather not have witnessed what I did, I am thankful I did...because it allowed me to witness my Savior in a way like no other.

road map

There is no road map to walking with God. But He does give us His Word...

Deuteronomy 29:29, "The secret things belong unto the Lord our God, but the things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all of the words of this law." We are only to be obedient to what He has given and shown us, which is His Word and what He has entrusted.

Psalm 37:23, "The steps of a good man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way and He busies Himself with his every step." His Word says He will direct our steps and He will then establish them...when He delights in our way. I can freely move forward and pursue what resonates in my heart, His desires, all the while knowing it will be Him putting them all together.

Proverbs 16:9, "A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure." He will make these steps sure, all the while demanding our trust, waiting on Him, simply knowing Him. Truth is, there really is so much "planning" I can do.

Proverbs 20:24, "Man's steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way?" Great question. I cannot, am not supposed to.

Hebrews 10:36, "For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away and enjoy to the full what is promised." Patience and endurance are so vital each day, in what He has both revealed and entrusted right now...not to get ahead of Him, or to be anxious living out the "what ifs" in our mind...but to enjoy Him to the full today, in what He has promised and given. The verse prior says, "Do no, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward." Be confident in today, in what He has already directed...in my steps...be patient, because of v37, "For still a little while, a very little while, and the Coming One will come and He will not delay." He is always on time, regardless of His tempo. Just walk in what He has revealed.

There is no road map to walking with God. The only plan I have is to follow His lead...

manna

With each day, it seems like You are giving me "manna" for just today, this season, this journey...there is no mapped out plan beyond the present, which strips away an idol of routine that I have falsely relied on before...so that I can no longer find security within the boundaries that I tend to build.

In 1 Kings 19:5-8, an angel visits Elijah, who is discouraged, lonely, desiring more of You in a place where most do not...the angel tells him to "arise and eat" two times, and two times he does this...and after the 2nd, Elijah "went in the strength of that food 40 days and nights." I cannot help but think and wonder if that is how Your manna for me is today, right now...that it is just what I need now, and when I need manna for tomorrow, and the next weeks and months, it will be there...

But not right now. 

And just like Elijah, I can go for "40 days" if I need on what You give now...which "manna" means I cannot build a false sense of security, because manna today is no good for tomorrow.

But it is an opportunity for You to bring glory to Yourself.

The only plan I have is to follow Your lead...and to rest in the manna You have given me today.

back to Your glory

"However, we possess this precious treasure, the divine Light of the Gospel, in frail, human vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be from God and not from ourselves" (2 Corinthians 4:7). Back to Your glory.

You could put me on that bus, or on that plane, but right now You do not want me there. As disappointing as these circumstances feel every time, somehow this is part of of how You want to reveal more of Yourself here in my life and in the lives of those around me. In my mind, this does not make sense, this whole scenario...but You are still on the throne and still at work...and right now this is how You are choosing to glorify Yourself most.

And that is a privilege, because this is not about me but You...

"Therefore we do not become discouraged, utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear" (v16a)..."For our light, momentary affliction, this slight distress of the passing hour, is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory, beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!" (v17).

The final verse in this passage drives home our reality..."Since we consider and look...to the things that are unseen...deathless and eternal." So all these things, hardships, trials, disappointments (see v8-9), are taking place for ___________ sake, so that more grace extends to more and more people, and multiplies through the many...to the glory of God" (v15). Let them see Your glory.

Somehow I believe You are managing to manifest Your life through this frail vessel...through continuing to serve in humility and joy, by responding to unfair circumstances in peace. If I can see momentary afflictions, temporary circumstances, as the pathway to You glorifying Yourself and making Yourself known, then I am free to walk in today, believing You for tomorrow.

Psalm 33:4, "For the Word of the Lord is right; and all His work is done in faithfulness." Everything You do is in Your faithfulness, not mine. Therefore I can rest in my present, circumstances I cannot control, unknowns and disappointments, because ALL Your work is done in faithfulness...on the bus or not on the bus...this is how You are choosing to glorify Yourself.

Back to Your glory, Father...back to Your glory.

who's glory

Psalm 115:1, "Not to us, oh Lord, not to us but to Your Name be the glory, because of Your love and faithfulness."

This hit me in a fresh way...if I am seeking my glory, than today hurts...because today, like every day, there are those who do not approve of or affirm me...and I cannot make a defense...

But I also do not need to defend myself...because if my life and purpose is to Your glory, than those circumstances do not matter. If my life and purpose are in You, then all of who I am comes from You, not the programs I write or my coaching abilities. And I can rest in the Truth that You are glorifying Yourself, regardless of how things appear, or how I feel...because You hold it all and You will glorify Yourself, regardless.

May my life reflect the light of Your glory...to You be the glory, regardless.