grace

This was given to me today and it articulates so well the voice of my Father, to me right now...

The Lord says, “I hear your prayers before they are voiced, but I listen still for your cry because I delight that you come to Me with your needs. I could arrange to have all your needs supplied in such a way that no requests would be necessary, but you would be unmindful of the source of your good.

When you are forced to plead with Me for your needs, you then accept My supply with a grateful spirit. This all contributes to the progress of your soul in faith and grace. The experience of prayer answered is only of incidental importance in comparison to your growth in grace and spiritual maturity.

Your love for Me, says the Lord, also deepens as you pray and receive an answer because each answer is evidence of My concern for you and My desire to bless. The more you pray, the more My love is revealed to you; thus your faith is growing strong by reason of the exercise. Yet your heart is being melted by My love for you and your response."

And ah yes, I am okay, as I continue to walk in His love and grace.

no shame

I realize it has been a while since I have last posted anything...and I now recognize why. Shame. I don't think I have ever been a person who has struggled with shame, but I see how the enemy has been beating me up by it. I am ashamed of my life right now, bottom line. I am not where I "want" to be or even think I "should" be spiritually, I don't feel God's presence in my life (but I know faith is not a feeling), much less desiring to spend time with Him. I feel like I am merely surviving in my life rather than living abundantly like I know He desires me to live. I struggle to believe God has my best in mind and I am not this "fearless" minister of the Gospel. I feel I have failed, lost my direction, my passion and vision. I am tired, burned out, beat up...

I think I even feel ashamed to go before Him.

The enemy, our accuser, uses isolation to speak lies. We cannot hear the truth when we are not surrounded by Jesus, by others who know Him and can speak truth to us. Thinking becomes distorted, reality becomes blurred, confusion and guilt set in.

Yet I am not destroyed...and I know that God wants to deliver me. He is my Deliverer. I must cry out...there is no shame in this.

Isaiah 50:7 says, "Therefore I have set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame."

He has led me this far, He'll continue to lead me...and ultimately, this place where my heart is at, somewhat alone and lost and feeling so far from Him, it is not in His will. And it is not a geographical location that He longs to take me...it is back into His heart, deeper into Him and Love...gently by His grace and compassion, through His Word and His body...You just want me.

God I am desperate to keep my heart before You, in You. There is no shame here.