competitor?

I recently said to someone, "I am a competitor. It is part of who I am," to which his response was, "Is it? What does God say about competing and competition?" That left me puzzled, because I thought I knew all about this. Yet my spirit was left unsettled and has led me on this journey to know truth: to know God more in my questions about being competitive, "striving," to "rival" and the like.

By definition, "compete" is to strive or claim to be equal. "Competitor" is one who seeks to obtain what another seeks. "Competition" is strife for superiority. Further, "comparison" is a form of competition. Also, "rival" is one striving to equal or exceed another; standing in competition for superiority.

When I compete, I do so to prove myself, to show I am better, to gain glory. This is the motive of my heart. When I play more, play better, I "feel" better...but do I? This is not of God, and it would never be enough.

Does competing drive me nearer to God or does it cause me to lust after everything of this world?

A quote worth wrestling with:

Satan's entire kingdom runs on the principle of competition; just the opposite of God's Kingdom where everyone serves each other.

Competition, yes, it is the way of the world. It is how we function, think, live. Yet we are from a higher Kingdom.

Are we called to compete or to serve?

When I am a "competitor" it is about me, what I "deserve"...winning the praise of others, drawing attention to myself...ultimately my pride and vain glory. There is no fruit of the Spirit in my life. None.

So what is sport? How do I "compete" without being "competitive?" God's design in creating sport, I believe, is to worship Him and reflect His glory, through following the rules and by serving my teammates out of a changed heart of humility and grace. Further, I have no "rights" nor can I demand justice or fairness. When I play in such a way that serves my team, it brings unity to our body on the floor, and in this, the fruits of the Spirit are manifested. And strangely enough, I am a "better" player according to the world's standards.

Somewhere in this place that I cannot attain is freedom...but how?

I would be lying to you if I said that I know "how" to "do" these things in the midst of playing a sport that has lied to me for so long. The world trains us up to "strive" for superiority and my flesh knows nothing else. But the Spirit in me, He is doing the work of humility as God continues to whisper, "Just be with me." This is all a mystery to me, sanctification...but just this past Friday, I believe it was the first time in my life that no false motive or prideful thought ran through my mind the entire practice!

Stop trying.

God is manifesting His glory but we cannot always see it. Yet I am convinced that those around us do as we long to know Him more. And I believe that God wants to show us a way of not just playing sport, but living life, that is so contrary to this world that we do not even have a category for it in our minds. My mind cannot fathom basketball fully redeemed in His glory, where there is total freedom and joy in my spirit, regardless of circumstances around me. But I know it is a place of experiencing God in all His glory, where all I want to do is throw my hands up in the air in total worship. This is freedom, redemption, glory...forget the game.

Philippians 2:3 says, "Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." What does this really mean?

I stumbled across this in a commentary...


This command forbids us to do anything, or attempt anything as the mere result of strife. This is not the principle from which we are to act, or by which we are to be governed. We are to form no plan, and aim at no object which is to be secured in this way. The command prohibits all attempts to secure anything over others by mere physical strength, or by superiority of intellect or numbers. or as the result of dark schemes and plans formed by rivalry, or by the indulgence of angry passions, or with the spirit of ambition. We are not to attempt to do anything merely by outstripping others, or by showing that we have more talent, courage, or zeal. What we do is to be by principle, and with a desire to maintain the truth, and to glorify God. And yet how often is this rule violated!

We would never be the same if we allowed God to glorify His life in our lives the way He so desperately desires. We do not even have a concept of what this would look like. But Father, give it to us...and give us the grace to boldly ask.

thorn

In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul talks about this continual "thorn" in his side, which is like a splinter that keeps nagging him and reminding him of his weakness. I can imagine that Paul so desperately wanted to rid himself of it, pleading with God to remove it. Yet God did not, and instead used this painful splinter as a way to #1, administer His grace to Paul, and #2, as a way to glorify Himself through Paul's life.

My own thorn continues to manifest itself in this ridiculous game of basketball. Ah, the joys and frustrations of this sport! I cannot make sense of it, and I do not think I am supposed to. Paul could not grasp his thorn either. Yet I manage to beat myself up about not "arriving" in my spiritual maturity, and feel so shamed to admit that I still wrestle with the lies of identity and worth revolving around this game. Even to write this, I wonder what you will think..."she still fails in this area...how long has she walked through this..." How quickly I can go places in my mind that are neither real nor true...my assumptions lead to anxiety...I have taken my eyes off the very One who calls me "beloved."

He is waiting for me to turn to Him to pick me up, to receive His grace. And in all my shame, believing the lie that I should have already "cleaned myself" up and that Christ has already given me enough grace in this area of my life, I still try to "get through" the lies on my own. But I have realized the "thorn" is not bad; in fact, it is a way to receive and experience more of His grace. Why is this so difficult for my flesh to accept? Pride...my pride manifests itself, believing that I have "conquered" this sin in my life. Yet this thorn has pricked deeper into my side so that I would know more of Him. When the arrows fly, Jesus is longing for me to press deeper into Him...where He can speak to me, love me, give me abundant grace, manifest His power at work within my weakness. And I am so weak.

God give me the grace to hear your voice in these moments! Give me the eyes to see You, so I would "behold" You to "become" more like Jesus (2 Corinthians 3:18).

God cannot love me any more or any less, no matter what I do. His love for me is based entirely upon His grace. And He does not quit or give up. He does not start something without finishing, and I am still His work in progress (Philippians 1:6-7). But I think I am right where He wants me.

This "thorn" is His grace...