ice pick

Sometimes I feel like God's refining in my life is more like an ice pick...only small bits at a time yet so painful to my flesh...but the end result is I become more like Jesus, God's design in sanctification, and others get to see more of Him manifested in my life...which at the end of the day is what I long for...but I am not going to lie, the ice pick hurts.

I have become so acutely aware of my need to "validate" myself, to prove both my worth and inclusion, rather than allowing all these things to be enough in Him...

How can I ask for more of Jesus in my life without expecting to be weak, so that His power can be made manifest? There is no other way...

And the ice pick feels like a double-edged sword...

But it's not...and my heart knows this...because with each uncomfortable moment, each circumstance that I want to crawl out of my skin, is a moment to nail a bit more of my flesh to...more dying of my self...less of me and more of Him.

How many times have I felt, been told, that my life reflects Paul's life...quite honestly, not sure how I feel about that, but at any rate I believe there is an element of truth to this...maybe for all of us to some degree.

2 Corinthians 4:5, 8, 10 say, "For what we preach is not ourselves but Jesus Christ as Lord, and not ourselves merely as your servants for Jesus' sake...we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair...always carrying about in my body the liability and exposure to the same putting to death that the Lord Jesus suffered, so that the resurrection life of Jesus also may be shown forth by and in our bodies." Paul does not say "maybe" because these two coincide. Just as my flesh is put to death more and more within me, more of Jesus life is transformed into mine...again, this can only happen when I am weak, broken, humbled, "suffering" the same as Him so that I can also then experience more of His resurrection power and life.

There is no other way...

"For just as Christ's own sufferings fall to our lot, as they overflow upon His disciples, and we share and experience them abundantly, so through Christ, comfort, consolation and encouragement is also shared and experienced abundantly by us (2Cor1:5)," followed by v.11, "For we who live are constantly experiencing, being handed over to death (fleshly death) for Jesus' sake, that the resurrection life of Jesus also may be evidenced through our flesh which is liable to death."

My human weakness provides the occasion and backdrop for an incredible story of Christ's love, grace and power to be made manifest in my life...it is the stage for the triumph of divine power.

God by Your grace, help me along this beautiful "ice pick" way.