crazy

Matchbox Twenty sings a song called Unwell and every time I hear it, I reflect on my journey with Christ...because quite honestly, walking with Him is exactly like the line "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"...and I think I am crazy, by most worldly ideals, standards, and labels...and ruined for more of Jesus.

The more I walk with Jesus, the more my life does not make sense...and the more I think about "being someone or something" or what I "should be doing with my life" because I feel a loss of purpose, vision, and drive, becoming so overwhelmed with the "crazy" in my life...

And then God faithfully meets me.

Philippians 3:7-14 sums up my purpose...that I may know Him...that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and clearly...in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection which it exerts over me as His disciple...and share His sufferings as to be continually transformed in spirit into His likeness even to His death, in hope that if possible I may attain to the spiritual and moral resurrection that lifts me out from among the dead.

My purpose is not to work, or be active, or essentially to find my identity in any "things"...rather, my purpose is to know Jesus. My purpose in today is to know and walk with Him by the power of His Spirit. It is to spend my time helping and serving others who may never love me back and never show gratitude for what I gave up. Further, it is not to control or figure anything out about all the unknowns and uncertainties in my life...it is simply to live in today with Him alone, still walking blindly by faith in what often feels like "risk" and "out of control," offering ALL of my trust...

Because that is all I have.

I am crazy and ruined for more of Jesus.